Kimberly

Yesterday marked the 5th anniversary of Kimberly's passing. My mother-in-law once asked me if, as the years passed, it got easier or harder. I told her it was both. Sometimes the loss feels easier to bear. Other times, I feel like I'm drowning and can't find my way back to the surface.

Today, it was the latter. So I thought I would use this blog to channel my grief and list just a few of the wonderful things I always have and always will admire about Kimberly: she was an amazing mother, a loyal friend and an amazing example of the gospel. She loved to learn and strived to pass that love to others. She taught me to love and understand classics like Shakespeare before I was 10 years old. She was patient and understanding and loving. I miss her terribly. But I know that I will be together again with her one day, and in that I find comfort.

Dave's wife Lily forwarded an email today in which she talked a lot about Kim. It was a very sweet and beautifully written so I wanted to post it here:

Dear David

It has been a beautiful day today, even though is cold, the sun is out, it is so bright, the day before we had rain showers and heavy wind, I woke up many times to check on the girls and the check on the roof because it almost felt like we were having a hurricane.

I have been thinking of mommy Kim ever since december started. Even though we talk about her everysingle day it is hard to remember this day, and I do not look forward to it.The two older girls are so strong about it, Jessica misses her so much even though she was like Do I have to ......when I said to gather by the fire place.......Becky help me gather the books and the pictures so we can put for our little shrine, Becky had a smile on her face the whole time, she likes to be helpful, and she wasn't showing any sorrow it was like she knows with certaincy that this is part of life, that this is just temporarly and that she will one day see her again, so she help me and encourage me to keep the thing going........the two little ones were excited and sad at the same time excited to celebrate her 5th Angel Birthday and sad they can not see her , Mia was asking so many questions and like last year she cried, the thought of a mommy being taken away from her kids is too painful for her little heart........I do not know if she cries because Mommy Kim passing or because the thought of her lossing her own "mamita" terrifies her.

We light the candles and I told the girls that we do not need to make a shrine to remember somebody, and we light the candles and Sarah Cait kneel next to her picture and sang the jingle Bells song for her.

We read a story and talked about her......

Then we wrote little notes to her and tied them to a balloon later to be released to her. They love this part we let go of the balloon and watch it go until "she gets it".......until we can see it no more.

Raising lots of kids is very hard, many many times people ask me why I choose this life, David you ask me many times why I did not marry Erin the nice doctor who only had one kid going on a mission and who adored me..........why I picked you, well I do not know but I know it is God's will and he knew and Himself prepared me for this the Mission of my life.........He sure prepared me, I have raised so many kids, I potty trained probably nine kids, and once I was a Nanny for 4 boys of a single dad, I remember the one who was 14 was the hardest but now I know I have to be train for the teen years as well.

People is always asking me if I am insane, taking over 4 kids!!!!!!!changing Metropolis for the Country.......

The question the ask the most is what is the hardest thing about being the new mom of 4 girls that I did not give birth?.........and my answer is always the same..

The hardest part is not the teen attitude, or driving around all over town to take them to gymnastics, piano etc. not even when they break the rules.......or when dad is away traveling for long weeks leaving me with the 5 girls and the 5 pets.

The hardest part will always be the not being able to Bring their mommy back.

Becky one time asked me if I went on a mission and where.........I told her I went on a Mission to Idaho.........

Being a mom is the Best Mission God puts there for me.

We are a family and we are loving it.........

I love when people had no clue they are not my own and it is because we are always hugging and kissing and being nice to each other, when they learn there truth they have told me We had made a difference in their life, they went home and decided to hug their own kids more and be more available etc.

Little that she knew but Kim is making a difference in people's life.........that is the way I see it.